blausea 我在這裡慢慢潛泳,緩緩漂流前進著

這幾天,隨著你琴音的進步,鋼琴老師給你的功課也愈來愈難了.好一陣子不見練琴的挫折感,又回來了.

我想你一定非常沮喪,好不容易終於離胡蘿蔔近了點,忽然一下子胡蘿蔔又被拉到好遠的地方.

我知道你練琴不順利的時候對自己好生氣,在家裡走路故意踏步踏的好大聲.嘴巴嘟的好高,一副怒氣沖沖的樣子.

我跟爸爸也受了無妄之災,因為你講話好衝,好像全家都應該跟你一起陷入愁雲慘霧.

今天傍晚我在準備晚餐的時候,你又發作了一次.彈著彈著左手老是出錯,你很不滿意,坐在沙發上生悶氣.問你要不要聊聊,你說不要.好吧!等你平靜一點的時候告訴我,我很願意跟你聊聊.我這樣說.氣著氣著你開始遷怒了起來,一下子什麼都不對勁了.說自己 stupid, 又說琴譜上你一直彈錯的音 dumb, 連琴椅也惹了你,直說琴椅讓你坐了不舒服.我一直忍著不出聲,雖然我想我的眉頭一直是皺著的.

過了二十分鐘你總算平靜下來,紅著眼眶跟我說 Mom, I am sorry for what I did. 我講以前大學記錯作業繳交日期時的懊惱給你聽,講爸爸差零點一分沒能進第一志願的故事給你聽,我想這些都能算做是令人沮喪的時刻.從你的氣憤中我知道你十分在乎,不在乎就不會有情緒.我知道你想把這幾首曲子練好.但是愈在乎,做不到,愈失望. We have a long way to go. 我希望慢慢讓你認識並建立好的 work ethics and habit.

你彈琴一向歸爸爸管,今晚我試著幫你把三段拆開,讓你分開練習.看你情緒稍歇,趁機指出彈錯的部份.家有練琴兒真是難,面對道理都懂但挫折忍耐度還在發育的小孩,安撫的同時想要幫助小孩慢慢 raise the bar, 又要小心翼翼調配"要求"和"鼓勵"的比例.這下一階段的教養課題真是難倒我了.

我該怎樣讓你了解,並堅持下去呢?我對物質獎賞沒有興趣,對責罰更是敬謝不敏.也許現在是寫信給你的好時機,既然教養進入下一階段,如果我們能從今晚的鋼琴風暴裡學到點什麼,也許對未來幾年我們之間的溝通有幫助.

下面這段是我在鋼琴教室看到的 poster. 第一次讀的時候你說 "Mom, you have done all these!" 昨天我特地抄了下來,放在這裡提醒自己.

What Every Child Needs

Fun -- Take time to laugh and play and share the wonders of life with me.

Affection -- Warm hugs will nurture me and make this world a much friendlier place.

Acceptance -- Appreciate me for the individual I am, with all my unique gifts and special talents.

Respect -- Treat me like an important and valuable person, and I'll learn to respect and honor myself and others.

Praise -- Tell me all the things you appreciate about me so I'll know how wonderful I really am.

Security -- Give me boundaries that will allow me to grow safely, feel secure, and overcome my fears.

Honesty -- Share your real feelings and admit your mistakes to me, so I'll learn what it means to be a whole person.

Patience -- Be understanding when I make my own mistakes; and remember ~ even when it doesn't seem like it, I'm trying my best.

Forgiveness -- Remind me that nobody's perfect, and that it feels much better to forgive than to hold a grudge.

Encouragement -- Support me and be positive as I try new things, and I'll have the courage to keep exploring.

Openness -- Listen to me, and be open to what you may be able to learn from me.

Love -- If you care for me in all these ways, you will be giving me the best life has to offer.