blausea 我在這裡慢慢潛泳,緩緩漂流前進著

三年級班上的孩子來自二十個家庭,一路同班這四年來,每個家庭各自以不同的方式回饋班上.於是一個小小的班級,因著有心臟外科醫生爸爸帶人體模型到班上講解心臟與血管,電機工程師爸爸教孩子們組電路,化學博士爸爸教做手工麵包,猶太媽媽們每年連續三天到校講猶太習俗和 hanukkah, 日本媽媽教做摺紙和紙帽,我跟 ABC 媽媽講解中國新年,心理學博士媽媽講 safety 101, 還有無數的節日慶祝和 party, 而豐富了起來.四年下來,我們變成一群關係很緊密的家長,大家一起養自己的,和對方的孩子.

配合學校選定的 program, 班上有兩個媽媽每週到班上講不同的主題,結束後 email 告知全班家長該次主題的內容.昨天收到 email, 這次的主題講孩子被嘲諷時的處理方式,正是這個年紀亟需要學會的生存技能!

Dear 3^rd Grade Parents/Guardians,

Today we read the book Simon’s Hook, by Karen Gedig Burnett, in your child’s classroom. It is the story of a boy named Simon who is teased because he is having a “bad hair day”. This story helps children recognize that there are many ways to respond to teasing.

Simon’s Hook gives children dozens of examples of how to empower themselves and not become a victim of hurtful behavior from others. This encourages children to focus on their own attitude and behavior, the only part of the interaction they control. By focusing on their own actions, children can begin to recognize the power they have – their own personal power. An empowered attitude is instrumental in a person’s ability to solve problems throughout life. We’d like to encourage you to ask your child tonight to share with you what these phrases mean.

“Don’t take the bait.”

“Be a free fish!”

In the book, Simon receives good advice from his neighbor, Grandma Rose. Page by page, Simon learns specific techniques to avoid being victimized by teasing behaviors. Grandma Rose offers Simon five strategies to keep him from “taking the bait” from a neighborhood bully. They are:

1. Do little or nothing. Don’t react.

2. Agree or pretend to agree with the “hook.”

3. Change the subject; distract the student doing the bullying.

4. Laugh at the “hook” and make a joke of it.

5. Stay away from students you know to be hurtful.

Each of these strategies gives our kids another important skill in protecting themselves from being hurt. Using these techniques will help our kids swim free!  Children love this story and will continue to use the language from the book all year, if we support and encourage them to do so.

Please continue to use these terms in your home conversations when issues of teasing and bullying come up. They will serve as an excellent reminder to your child that they have choices and power in a teasing situation. To learn more about the book go to Grandma Rose’s website, www.grandmarose.com

Thanks for being an active participant in helping your child feel empowered as s/he learns to navigate through the often confusing issues of peer relations, friendships and social cruelty. As we support and empower our children with strategies that protect them, we create a stronger school community where all of our students can succeed, feel safe and know that they belong.

之後的 email 迴響.

I wanted to add one thing real quickly that came to mind while reading the attached letter about the great principle of “swimming free”.

Before the child can think clearly about what to do, he or she has an emotional reaction. Sometimes, children are not able to get beyond this point easily. It helps to make them aware of what they are feeling, have them describe their own feeling. And to acknowledge that it is perfectly normal to feel this way. It helps when they know they don’t have to stop their strong feeling but can rather keep riding that wave and turn it into something empowering. Sometimes, this step is necessary to be able to not take the bait.

Just my two cents ;)
D

主講者媽媽的回答.

You bring up a great point, D, and I agree with your comments completely. I couldn't have written it better.
 
I think for a variety of reasons sometimes grown-ups may not be as apt to help kids acknowledge negative feelings or name them (anger, frustration, loneliness, regret, jealousy, etc) as with the more positive feelings (happiness, excitement, pride, etc).
 
While introducing our lesson in class, we did ask the kids if they were ever teased or put-down and how it made them feel. As you said, it is important to reassure them that these are normal reactions and feelings. We could tell this lesson really hit home with the 3rd graders. They were all very "into" the discussion and role-playing practice. A few times, they were sure they responded to a tease or put-down using one of the 5 strategies, but in reality they got hooked and put out a reciprocal jab to the teaser. It was eye-opening for them. Practice makes perfect, even for us grown-ups.
 
Thanks for your valuable two cents!!